We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
