I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just had sex on a roof
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
