So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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