Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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