being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
