i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
