Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
