So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
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She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
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I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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