I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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