Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
