I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
