so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
