The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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