so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
