he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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