Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
