Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
