I met the friendliest cop last night
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
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there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
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She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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