Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
