you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
