I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
