Dual....:-)
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Four minutes until I can fart!
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
