it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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