The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
