im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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