i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
