just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
