So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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