ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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