"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
