Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
try to milk me bitch
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
