Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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