i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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