dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
