i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
