Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
