Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
