I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
