Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
