I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you traded sex for a burrito?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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