if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
