thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
