I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
