: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
