I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
