Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
