he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
