my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
