I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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