I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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