Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
