you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
