At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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