dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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