My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
