fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
