I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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