So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
