I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
