the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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