My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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