And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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