have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
