went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
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Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
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STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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