saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
