is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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