i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
