I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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