I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
